Lightless Fire
by Collida
Summary: AU :: Ran seeks solace in the only thing that won't judge him. The ocean. (They're surfer boys^^) Until he realizes that something or someone else might just enter his life. :: Ran x Ken :: Please RR
1. Prologue: Vision

Notes: I think I'm getting a cold...

Pairings: Ran x Ken *giggles* My favorite

Warnings: AU, Ran POV

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why not? Too crazy. o.0

~~~

Lightless Fire

Vision

Prologue

A beacon in the night, pushing back the oily darkness, cleansing my outstretched fingers as I desperately reached for that unattainable light. Might that I be able to bathe in the heat and light, I would be clean. I would be free of the taint upon my hands. I might be free of the curse upon my soul.

I could feel his fingers brush against me gently, like a wisp of air in the still night, searching. Searching for that pale reflection of its own flame. I could not supply the light, nor the heat to guide. I could not supply the love to hold. I could not supply what I knew he needed most.

Then he was gone. A dark void, darker than the night already pressing around my suffocating body filled in the place where his presence once resided. It was trying to take away the only light I had found. He had given me light. He had given me fire. He had given me love. But the light I found within him, was only within me. Hidden. A lightless fire deep within the recesses of my spirit.

~

I could feel a gentle brushing as I kicked towards the surface. It was too dark to see what had passed by me. So close. I broke into the air with a gasp, shaking my head to clear my eyes of water and hair. The ocean was restless around me. Churning and waving in the wind as a storm broiled on the horizon. I knew I should get to shore. But something was holding me here. An invisible bond, stronger than anything my gaze could fall upon.

Someone broke the surface of the watery void behind me. I turned around, treading water tirelessly. It was Ken. His hair slicked back on his wet face, his eyes shut tight as he shook his head. I grinned at his appearance, both comical and desirable. I hid my expression as he opened his eyes again, looking towards shore.

"What are you doing out here Ran?" 

"Why do you care?" I had to yell for him to hear me. The wind was getting stronger and the water was beginning to slap at our faces.

"Well it's just a little stupid to be out here just for the waves." He was grinning now. That annoyed me. What business was it of his to question my actions?

"Get to shore Hidaka."

"But-"

"Now." I glared at him and waited until he sulkily caught the next wave with his body to surf the rough current to the beach. I watched him disappear beneath the white capped wave and looked once at the horizon before diving below the surface once again.

~~~


	2. 1: Haze

Notes: *bows* Enjoy

Pairing: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, angstish 

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why not? Too crazy. o.0

~~~

Lightless Fire

Haze

1

I woke easily, the gentle rhythm of lapping water bringing the invigorating scent of salt to my nostrils. As I sat on the edge of my bed, facing the open window covered with a haze of billowing white curtains, the crisp, bright gold streaks were striking the ceiling of clouds as the sun climbed the horizon. The cool night air was warming with the coming dawn. 

I stood, pulling on a pair of surfing shorts and leaving my room. The house was still dim, the dawn light not yet penetrating the windows in full. No one stirred except for me. Absolute silence reigned and I felt content as I rarely did. I walked silently down the stairs and turned as I reached the floor for the large, glass back door. I faced the dazzling display of plum and rose encrusted with gold as the sun made its debut appearance for the morning. 

I took my surf board from where it rested against the wall on the porch. The sand of the beach stood out before me. Unmarred by ignorant humans and silent save the pounding of the waves. The white capped funnels were tinged by the display of color by the dawn as I ran easily out to the water, my board tucked under an arm.

As the first swell of water touched my feet, the cool clarity of beautiful water caressing my skin, I was fully content. The water swirled around my ankles, cooling the doubts, anger and regret that constantly plagued my mind. I was alone. 

As I walked further out into the water, I placed my board on the surface of the great ocean and kept walking. As the water rose to my chest I laid on the board, paddling out, enjoying the feel of water meeting my fingertips. A wave rose before me, growing in size and speed. My mind was numb. Empty of the plaguing thoughts that haunted me every other moment. I turned the board, feeling the current catching me. I paddled for a moment and stood, riding along the wave in a century old tribute to the ocean. I was dancing along the white cap of the swell, caressing it with my outstretched hand. 

Then I dove from my board under the wave. I moved with the current, unafraid and unfeeling. I was in the arms of my lover. I was simple ecstasy. Then it had to end. I had to keep living. My head broke the surface of the water as I stood, my board only a few feet away, beached by the shallow waters. The ocean had returned me to the shore. 

The sun had truly risen now and a few people could be seen along the length of the shore. I sat on the sand next to my board, the water lapping at my feet. I gazed out at the horizon, wondering what it would be to just walk out there and never stop. To never come back to this life. To walk upon the water.

"Ran, why are you always out here so early?" It was Ken. Why did he have to end the only thing that brought me contentment. Solitude. But I realized that I wasn't angry with his intrusion. 

"Ran?" 

"What?" Didn't he understand that I wanted silence? His voice was drowning out the sound of the waves. But I realized that I was drowning in the sound of his voice.

"I said, why are you always out here so early?" Then the moment when his voice had exhumed all, it was gone. He was only Ken and I was only Ran. I didn't want to speak but knew inevitably I must. 

"Why the hell do you care?"

"What's your problem?" 

"Just leave me the fuck alone." I realized I had wanted Ken to be closer. For just a second I wanted to gaze at him with something other than anger. I didn't want change. I didn't want pain. I wanted to be alone. He had to leave.

"Fine Ran." His footsteps receded slowly as the sound of the waves eventually devoured the only sound that could penetrate my reverie.

~~~ 


	3. 2: Lost

Notes: Whew, it has been a looooong time! *bows* Enjoy!

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, language, angstish, fluff

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why not? Too crazy. Like me! ^____^

~~~

Lightless Fire

Lost

2

It was with a heavy heart that I turned from my love. My love that was greater than anything any mortal could create or destroy. Dusk was drawing nearer and I feared to be drawn away from my vision of the many waters by the ignorance of a human. Their voices, so painful when brought against the soothing rumbling of the roiling waves. 

"Ran! Come on! Dinner's ready!"

"I'm coming, damn it!" Omi looked hurt at my words but I didn't care. Didn't they understand being alone was something I treasured? Maybe I wanted to be alone for a while. They never seemed to consider that possibility.

"Ran, don't be an ass!" That was Youji. Doubtless he had heard me yell at poor little Omi. I didn't care. I'd be an ass all I pleased and I didn't care what he thought. 

A face loomed close in my mind's eye. Chocolate eyes were large under a patch of unruly hair of the same rich hue. His smooth skin appeared to be silk. I wanted to touch it. Caress it like I stroked the ocean. _You care what he thinks...._

"I don't give a damn what he thinks." I informed myself, banishing his image from my mind. "There's nothing about him that I want. There's nothing that he has that I need. Isn't that what love is about? Needing something? Well I can take care of my fucking self thank you very much."

"Ran?" Omi had heard my talking to myself as I mounted the porch steps and placed my board where it had rested earlier.

"What?" My voice was harsh and he looked taken aback once again but I didn't care. He should learn to be tougher if he's going to bother me.

"I- nothing." 

"Fine." I walked past him into the house where Youji and Ken were in the kitchen assembling the eating ware and cooking. Ken was busy at the stove and didn't look at me as I entered. I didn't want him to. I didn't want to see that look in his eyes. That look that I didn't understand. 

Youji, however, had no inhibitions about staring at me with a sly grin. "Aren't we grouchy today? What's the matter with you Ran?"

I glared at him and sat down. "Shut the hell up, Kudou."

"Yessir." he replied, moving away to retrieve the cups. Omi sat down across the oval table from me, staring hard at his plate. I was beginning to feel guilty. Damn it Omi, why do you have to be such a child. A glare sprang to my face, as he looked up at me again, a tiny flicker of hope in his eyes. But it was silenced by my angry expression. Damn it!

"So, Ken-Ken, what are you making tonight?" Omi inquired, eager to look somewhere else and change the silent subject. 

"Stuffed shells." He answered, setting a large serving plate laden with the stuffed pasta in the center of the table before sitting down next to me and across from Youji. 

"They look delicious!" the youngest observed, helping himself to the food. 

"Thank you Omi." 

~

I was walking along the beach now, the moon a bare sliver lighting the shore dimly. I couldn't see anyone in the night and I didn't wish to. The lapping water was like music...wind chimes for the moon.

"Ran!" I kept walking. I hoped maybe if I ignored them, they would go away. I didn't want to think of who it may be that was running up behind me. "Ran wait!" I halted, but I said nothing. "Didn't you hear me?" Ken asked, coming to stand beside me.

"I heard you."

"Then why didn't you answer?" he asked, turning to regard me with raised brows.

I shrugged. "I don't know." I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to look at him. I was scared of what I may see. I was scared of what I may do. I kept walking, slowly, enjoying the feel of fine sand under my feet.

He walked next to me, gazing intently at the ocean. "They're, Omi and Youji, are worried about you." He didn't say that he was worried about me. Why should he be?

"So? What do they know?" I asked bitterly, kicking at the sand.

"You haven't been yourself. What's the matter?" Ken put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around to face him. Our gazes locked and I found I couldn't look away. 

"I've had something on my mind..."

"Such as?" His brows raised again, waiting.

"You..." The word fell upon my lips before I had power to stop it. Ken looked surprise, and he said nothing as he stared at me. I couldn't look at him. I knew he must be disgusted. I turned and kept walking and he didn't follow me.

~~~


	4. 3: Find Me

Notes: This one has been going nowhere for a long while so Collida's gonna start working on it again. Colli-chan's on a writing frenzy today! *bows* Enjoy!

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Rating: R

Warnings: language, yaoi, lime, fluff, angst

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why not? Too crazy! Like me! ^_________^

~~~

Lightless Fire

Chapter 3: Find Me

~

I sat upon the beach, noon pounding down upon my skin but I didn't care. The light was incredible, bright and golden bestowing upon the restless ocean millions of diamonds. The lapping water was filled with precious life. And I, an observer to the esoteric city that I could never truly belong to. The sun was bright but I felt cold. I was alone in the dark. I needed someone to guide me. A voice to pull me through this night to the dawn awaiting me. But I was lost. No one will be able to find me. I've run too far...

Ken had avoided my gaze, remained silent and still. After I had said that single word...Why had I said that? I punched the sand at my side. Why had I told him that? And that look. That bright gaze of chocolate that had gazed upon me that way... He hated me. I knew and know it. Youji and Omi certainly had noticed the change. Ken said nothing and my lips had remained silent as well. But they were not so foolish as to interfere without first letting the problem resolve itself. But they don't understand! I can't resolve it.... I don't know what to say. Or to say anything....

"Ran?" Ken. Why are you here? Have you come to mock me?

"What?" Anger. I could hear every emotion in my own voice: anger, bitterness, sorrow, loneliness...

"I just...I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You didn't seem yourself this morning." He sat down next to me. His closeness...I could hear his breath between slightly parted lips. I wanted to kiss those lips but they were an eternity away. 

"I'm fine." I replied, resentment now edging my words. Then after a few moments, "You didn't seen yourself either." 

Silence. 

"Last night..." Ken began, trailing away.

"What about it?" I retorted, scared of what he might say. 

"What did you mean?" his words were soft, and not what I expected. I couldn't say anything for a moment, and stared at the ocean for help, knowing it wouldn't. I tore my gaze from the water to look at Ken. His profile, so perfect, strong and sensitive. I wanted to touch his face, feel his skin, kiss his lips. He looked at me, our gazes locking. 

"Ran..." I touched his lips with a finger, thoughts emptying away. I could only feel. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to him. A raging heat exploded along my lips and traveled down my body. I pulled him forward, pressing him hard against me. He responded, pressing his lips harder against mine and running his tongue over mine. Finally we broke apart, gazing at each other. I searched his eyes, wanting to know his thoughts, wanting to be in his mind. 

"Ken..." He leaned back. A different expression was dominating his handsome, perfect face: fear. This was wrong. He was getting up, leaving me. "Ken..." I could only watch him go in helpless silence. He had been revolted by me, by my kiss. Please Ken...find me...


End file.
